I dont feel the wind tonight. I can hear it talk to yellow city lights in the distance. They disturb me. Just like the banal silence of a scream heard from within oneself. The Big Bad Inane Silence. And when the Big Bad Wolf came along...
It followed me to the black room. It heard the splinters of broken glass collide a second time. The vase was given to me by a dead man. My favorite piece of crystal in the house. I didnt see the smoke rise out of it. We all just stood there. Uncertain.
The friend i made today showed me unerring sorrow. I stopped expecting the phonecall.
*
"The moon shines in my body, but my blind eyes cannot see it: The moon is within me, and so is the sun. The unstruck drum of Eternity is sounded within me; but my deaf ears cannot hear it."
-Kabir
-Kabir
*
And i miss you. Your presence. Your unexpected kisses. Your wet hair. I wish I could hold you a little longer. Tell you a little more.
And Live.
And Live.
Wednesday.
My wineglass cracked. It fell into the river below and all i could
do was watch it flow away. It was still morning. I couldn't see the
sun but knew it was sparkling behind the brown ranges
surrounding us. Trust you. Wait i'l get another one. I wanted to
lie down, but the trunk was florescent moss-green. Not
something i wanted on my t-shirt. sarcasm is one of the...
The walk through the woods was relieving. Calming. The weather was the usual.
Wet. Cloudy. It could rain any minute, now. I hoped it wouldnt. Rain
could strip us down to ourselves. It would see us bare and naked
and expose us to a world that surprisingly knew nothing. Maybe
it secretly kept a secret. Not a chance, he let out half a
laugh and emptied his glass in one smooth swig. Chug it like a
frenchman, zu.
Compassion. All kinds of it. The river is making sounds i could sit and listen to forever, he said. I couldnt hear anything. It was too cold and quiet. Your're not listening, zu! I wasnt. We didnt talk for another hour. I lay down on the trunk and stared at the sky. Maybe someday it would open up and we would all run around trying to catch whatever fell from it. Like rain. Ah! do you still read poetry?
Intensity. Speed at which the flow of...
Where was it now? The glass was full. The leaves were wet. The rainmaker stood in the distance and threw stones into the river flowing violently beneath our feet. Angry young damsel. Certainty distresses me. I do not want to know. Words could ruin the beauty of what you see. So , tell me about you. what do you do? I never thought suicide was wrong. Withdrawal could be bliss. A room full of nothing but your own self. locked up. And later you pound on the door begging to be let out. Maybe. But thats later. Lay Ter. What do you feel right now? Not about your life you fool! Snap out of it and Dont give me your profound shit.
This is where you need it. Intensity. passion. desire. tra la la la..
Wake up next to yourself and you will know. Let the rain strip you down to bare minimum and you will feel..
Feel what you couldnt. See what you didnt.
Hear the wineglass crack and the Rainmaker laugh.
But, what's so funny? why is he laughing?
Ignore him , little girl. You dont need to know.You shouldnt.
And it rained.
do was watch it flow away. It was still morning. I couldn't see the
sun but knew it was sparkling behind the brown ranges
surrounding us. Trust you. Wait i'l get another one. I wanted to
lie down, but the trunk was florescent moss-green. Not
something i wanted on my t-shirt. sarcasm is one of the...
The walk through the woods was relieving. Calming. The weather was the usual.
Wet. Cloudy. It could rain any minute, now. I hoped it wouldnt. Rain
could strip us down to ourselves. It would see us bare and naked
and expose us to a world that surprisingly knew nothing. Maybe
it secretly kept a secret. Not a chance, he let out half a
laugh and emptied his glass in one smooth swig. Chug it like a
frenchman, zu.
Compassion. All kinds of it. The river is making sounds i could sit and listen to forever, he said. I couldnt hear anything. It was too cold and quiet. Your're not listening, zu! I wasnt. We didnt talk for another hour. I lay down on the trunk and stared at the sky. Maybe someday it would open up and we would all run around trying to catch whatever fell from it. Like rain. Ah! do you still read poetry?
Intensity. Speed at which the flow of...
Where was it now? The glass was full. The leaves were wet. The rainmaker stood in the distance and threw stones into the river flowing violently beneath our feet. Angry young damsel. Certainty distresses me. I do not want to know. Words could ruin the beauty of what you see. So , tell me about you. what do you do? I never thought suicide was wrong. Withdrawal could be bliss. A room full of nothing but your own self. locked up. And later you pound on the door begging to be let out. Maybe. But thats later. Lay Ter. What do you feel right now? Not about your life you fool! Snap out of it and Dont give me your profound shit.
This is where you need it. Intensity. passion. desire. tra la la la..
Wake up next to yourself and you will know. Let the rain strip you down to bare minimum and you will feel..
Feel what you couldnt. See what you didnt.
Hear the wineglass crack and the Rainmaker laugh.
But, what's so funny? why is he laughing?
Ignore him , little girl. You dont need to know.You shouldnt.
And it rained.
My moonlight.
A spanish question mark in the sky.
A sunday in our pocket.
An old grey bridge hiding under the sea.
The smell of old cologne.
A bump on the nose
Your hug, Your smile.
Dew drops on dry leaves.
The Rain in your eyes.
The colours on my wall.
A touch, imagined a thousand times.
Love
The blindfold.
Beautiful brown eyes.
The taste of skin.
..and so much more.
love, love
Dont go away.
Ever
A spanish question mark in the sky.
A sunday in our pocket.
An old grey bridge hiding under the sea.
The smell of old cologne.
A bump on the nose
Your hug, Your smile.
Dew drops on dry leaves.
The Rain in your eyes.
The colours on my wall.
A touch, imagined a thousand times.
Love
The blindfold.
Beautiful brown eyes.
The taste of skin.
..and so much more.
love, love
Dont go away.
Ever
\
Reality lives in a Box.
Inspiration went for a walk in the woods wearing a long black dress. She sat under a tree in the snow. Her tears fell on the ice and froze, looking like dewdrops made of glass.
Little thoughts grew wings and flew around aimlessly. I heard purple Butterflies and water coloured snowflakes have childhood conversations.
Imagination lay beside me and made snow fairies in the snow, humming its favorite song.
We had been lying in the snow for a while now. I felt damp, but not cold. It was drizzling and the box made a soft noise ,but we didnt realize.
We just looked at the sky and smiled.
...
And the butterflies are coming out again. They have on faded blue wings and drowsy eyes. The wall feels alive tonight. I can hear music on the other side.
Thursday
Tired and Lost.
"you are the new C-4, Natascha..
Cool
Calm
Composed
and Clueless."
He is tall, but thats all.
He is fit , but thats it.
haha!
Im not Thinking.*Ting!* The Cushion is Comfortable. Surprise Surprise! One Cappuchino please. *ka-Ching!*, Thank you! Dhin chaak Dhin Chaak.. bang!
*blank*
Thursday Evening. No company. But do i really need any?
Exams. Bah, those Bitches.
Hard Work?
No!
But i want to!
No, you cant!
Why not?!
Ask yourself!
Madness, Insanity. Realization. I just Realized Something.
What?
Inspiration? Is that you? oh okay. Call me whenever. whenever you are Free. whenever you Feel like Talking maybe.
May Bee
Wokay?
Dont Desire to be. Just Be! The 8-fold path. To Happiness?
Ahaan?
Im not too sure. If I want something. I would want it for a Reason. A Valid reason. A Good valid reason.
He doesnt smile much He said.
'Ah! That way. I get it now'. "Queen".
Hmmm.
Interesting that. Wierd is good.
Lonely and Tired..
"Man, Im just Tired and Bored with Myself
Hey there baby..
I could use just a little...."
Help! The sky is falling! Chicken little is here to save the day! *rap rap* *whoooosh!*
Wait, what was I going to think? aww Damnit!
Great, now my head hurts. School tomorow. Physics..and Maths! Oshins ladies beauty parlour. Beauty...
*doesnt smile much...
Funny thing that. "beauty parlour".. Beauty has been given an image. Against its will.
anything but that, Is not Beautiful. Oh, well. Dont you want to look inside? You'll be Surprised. Im so Sure.
I like Trees. Every place has its own Tree-Shape. Slim and Composed near the Racecourse. Tangled up somewhere Else.. Spread out..Near school. Like a bunch of Daisies tied loosely. School..
...upon the stairs i saw a man, who wasnt there...
I cant fuckin Feel anything!
..he wasnt there the other day..
whats worse..I know Why.
..i wished to God he'd go away..
I think I should stop here. This isnt going anywhere. But again..Should it?
I like my Coffee
'He doesnt smile much.
He Said.'
"you are the new C-4, Natascha..
Cool
Calm
Composed
and Clueless."
He is tall, but thats all.
He is fit , but thats it.
haha!
Im not Thinking.*Ting!* The Cushion is Comfortable. Surprise Surprise! One Cappuchino please. *ka-Ching!*, Thank you! Dhin chaak Dhin Chaak.. bang!
*blank*
Thursday Evening. No company. But do i really need any?
Exams. Bah, those Bitches.
Hard Work?
No!
But i want to!
No, you cant!
Why not?!
Ask yourself!
Madness, Insanity. Realization. I just Realized Something.
What?
Inspiration? Is that you? oh okay. Call me whenever. whenever you are Free. whenever you Feel like Talking maybe.
May Bee
Wokay?
Dont Desire to be. Just Be! The 8-fold path. To Happiness?
Ahaan?
Im not too sure. If I want something. I would want it for a Reason. A Valid reason. A Good valid reason.
He doesnt smile much He said.
'Ah! That way. I get it now'. "Queen".
Hmmm.
Interesting that. Wierd is good.
Lonely and Tired..
"Man, Im just Tired and Bored with Myself
Hey there baby..
I could use just a little...."
Help! The sky is falling! Chicken little is here to save the day! *rap rap* *whoooosh!*
Wait, what was I going to think? aww Damnit!
Great, now my head hurts. School tomorow. Physics..and Maths! Oshins ladies beauty parlour. Beauty...
*doesnt smile much...
Funny thing that. "beauty parlour".. Beauty has been given an image. Against its will.
anything but that, Is not Beautiful. Oh, well. Dont you want to look inside? You'll be Surprised. Im so Sure.
I like Trees. Every place has its own Tree-Shape. Slim and Composed near the Racecourse. Tangled up somewhere Else.. Spread out..Near school. Like a bunch of Daisies tied loosely. School..
...upon the stairs i saw a man, who wasnt there...
I cant fuckin Feel anything!
..he wasnt there the other day..
whats worse..I know Why.
..i wished to God he'd go away..
I think I should stop here. This isnt going anywhere. But again..Should it?
I like my Coffee
'He doesnt smile much.
He Said.'
...
When something Sinks
and something Dies..
it takes everything else along with it.
Everything.
Things you never realized you had
Things you never thought would matter..
Things you never knew existed.
The Feeling stays.
The sinking-dying feeling
It unpacks and takes a nap.
on the worn-out red couch in the hall.
It merges with the background.
Moves. Watches. Observes. Takes its Notes
and spreads itself in everything around it.
Everything.
In Broken windows and painted walls,
Old Cupboards and Clothes.
in unwashed coffee mugs.
and Coffee.
and something Dies..
it takes everything else along with it.
Everything.
Things you never realized you had
Things you never thought would matter..
Things you never knew existed.
The Feeling stays.
The sinking-dying feeling
It unpacks and takes a nap.
on the worn-out red couch in the hall.
It merges with the background.
Moves. Watches. Observes. Takes its Notes
and spreads itself in everything around it.
Everything.
In Broken windows and painted walls,
Old Cupboards and Clothes.
in unwashed coffee mugs.
and Coffee.
Moriri..
"It is here that I, part-man , part-goat, search for my Inspiration, my Muse, my Maiden of woods, Meadows and Oracle groves"
a million little pieces
The young man came to the Old man seeking counsel.
I broke something, old man.
How badly is it broken?
Its in a million little pieces.
I'm afraid I cant help you.
Why?
There's nothing you can do.
Why?
It can't be fixed.
Why?
Its broken beyond repair.
Its in a million little pieces...
I broke something, old man.
How badly is it broken?
Its in a million little pieces.
I'm afraid I cant help you.
Why?
There's nothing you can do.
Why?
It can't be fixed.
Why?
Its broken beyond repair.
Its in a million little pieces...
Broken
I was seventeen years old the first time I died.
I remember there was white everywhere.
There was war, and I felt alive
But, really,
I was dead.
Sometimes I think we live through things...
...only to be able to say that it happened.
That it wasn't to someone else,
it was to me.
Sometimes we live to beat the odds.
I'm not crazy...
...even though they thought I was.
I live in the same world as everyone else.
I just saw more of it,
as I'm sure you have.
They'll find my body tomorrow.
You can check it out if you don't believe me.
I've seen life after my death...
...and I'm telling you this because it's the only way...
...to help you and your family have a better life of your own.
Jean...
...you're gonna pass out one day smoking a cigarette...
...and burn to death.
Your daughter grows up living the same sad life you're living right now.
And she misses you so much.
Sometimes life can only really begin with the knowledge of death.
That it can all end,even when you least want it to.
The important thing in life is to believe...
...that while you're alive,
it's never too late.
I promise you, Jean ,
no matter how bad things look...
...they look better awake than they do asleep.
When you die, there's only one thing you want to happen.
You wanna come back.
I remember there was white everywhere.
There was war, and I felt alive
But, really,
I was dead.
Sometimes I think we live through things...
...only to be able to say that it happened.
That it wasn't to someone else,
it was to me.
Sometimes we live to beat the odds.
I'm not crazy...
...even though they thought I was.
I live in the same world as everyone else.
I just saw more of it,
as I'm sure you have.
They'll find my body tomorrow.
You can check it out if you don't believe me.
I've seen life after my death...
...and I'm telling you this because it's the only way...
...to help you and your family have a better life of your own.
Jean...
...you're gonna pass out one day smoking a cigarette...
...and burn to death.
Your daughter grows up living the same sad life you're living right now.
And she misses you so much.
Sometimes life can only really begin with the knowledge of death.
That it can all end,even when you least want it to.
The important thing in life is to believe...
...that while you're alive,
it's never too late.
I promise you, Jean ,
no matter how bad things look...
...they look better awake than they do asleep.
When you die, there's only one thing you want to happen.
You wanna come back.
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